Saturday, May 17, 2008

'The Big Bang Theory' Quotes

I regularly watch a fantastic show called, "The Big Bang Theory" (there are some clips at the bottom of the page) and I wish to share some of the brilliance.

You have about as much chance of going out with Penny as the Hubble Telescope has of finding that at the center of each black hole there's a little man with a flashlight trying to find the circuit breaker.

I just know that moving all day can be stressful and I just thought that good neighbors and some Indian food might be just what you need... plus, curry is a natural laxative and I don't need to tell you that a clean colon is one less thing to worry about.

Oh, well, this would be one of those circumstances that people unfamiliar with the law of large numbers would call a coincidence.

[discussing Sheldon's work] At least I didn't have to invent 26 dimensions to get the math to work.
I didn't invent them. They're there.
Yeah? In what universe?
In all of them, that's the point!

Oh, Raj was just comparing Sheldon to a hygiene product used by women who are not feeling fresh on a summer's eve.
And the bag it came in.

This car weighs, let's say, 4,000 pounds. Now add 140 for me, 120 for you...
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I insult you? Is your body mass somehow tied into your self worth?

You know what's interesting about caves, Leonard?

Now, you listen here. I have being telling you since you were four years old, it's okay to be smarter than everybody but you can't go around pointing it out.
Why not?
Because people don't like it. You don't remember all the ass kickings you got from the neighbor kids. Now lets get cracking. Shower, shirt, shoes and let's shove off.(Mary leaves the room)
There wouldn't have been any ass kickings if that stupid death ray had worked.

This is the best cobbler ever!
You know what the secret ingredient is?
-Mrs. Cooper
-Mrs. Cooper

Leonard: We need to widen our circle.
Sheldon: I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on myspace.
Leonard: Yes, and you’ve never met one of them.
Sheldon: That’s the beauty of it.

Penny: I’m a Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.
Sheldon: Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun’s apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.
Penny: (puzzled) Participate in the what?

I’ve spent the past three-and-a-half years staring at greaseboards full of equations; before that, I spent four years working on my thesis; before that, I was in college; and before that, I was in the fifth grade.

Sheldon: Leonard! Leonard!
Leonard: What, what’s the matter?
Sheldon: My equations! Someone’s tampered with my equations!
Leonard: Are you sure?
Sheldon: Of course I’m sure. Look at the beta function of quantum chromodynamics–the sign’s been changed!
Leonard: Yeah…but doesn’t that fix the problem you’ve been having?
Sheldon: Are you insane? Are you out of your mind? Are you–hey, look, that fixes the problem I’ve been having!

(Penny asking if she can spend the night on Sheldon and Leonard's couch)

Leonard: Are you suggesting that if we let Penny stay, we might succumb to cannibalism?Sheldon: No one ever thinks it’ll happen until it does.
Leonard: Penny, if you promise not to chew the flesh off our bones while we sleep, you can stay.
Penny: What?

Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Every Saturday since we’ve lived in this apartment, I have awakened at 6:15, poured myself a bowl of cereal, added a quarter-cup of 2% milk, sat on this end of this couch, turned on BBC America, and watched Doctor Who.
Leonard: Penny’s still sleeping.
Sheldon: Every Saturday since we’ve lived in this apartment…
Leonard: You have a TV in your room, why don’t you just have breakfast in bed?
Sheldon: Because I am neither an invalid nor a woman celebrating Mother’s Day.

(Leonard as to he and Penny's future)

Leonard: Our kids will be smart and beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary


Leonard: I'm a male, and she's a female.
Sheldon: But not of the same species.

How can she take your order when you're too neurotic to talk to her?

That boy has been trouble since the day he fell out of me at K-Mart.
-Sheldon's mother

Leonard: A Homo habilis discovering his opposable thumbs says what ...
Kurt: What?
Leonard & Sheldon laugh

Now I fixed chicken. I hope that's not one of those animals you people think is magic.
-Sheldon's mother to Raj

Penny: Hey, if you guys need a fourth, I'll play.
Leonard: Great idea!
Sheldon: Uh, no. The wheel was a great idea. Relativity was a great idea. This is a notion, and a rather sucky one at that.
Penny: Why?!
Sheldon: Why? Oho, Penny, Penny, Penny.
Penny: Oho, what, what, what?
Sheldon: (as Penny picks up the controller) This is a complex battle simulation with a steep learning curve. There are a myriad of weapons, vehicles, and strategies to master, and not to mention an extremely intricate back story.
Penny: (explosion from the TV) Oh, cool! Whose head did I just blow off?
Sheldon: Mine.

I don't know how, but she is cheating! Nobody can be that attractive and this good at a videogame.
-Sheldon (about Penny)

You know, Penny, we make such a good team, maybe we could enter a couple of Halo tournaments sometime.
Or we could just have a life.

Penny: (barges into apartment) Hey, guys! My friends and I got tired of dancing so we came over to have sex with you.
(The guys continue playing Halo)
Penny: Told ya.(Penny and her friends leave)
Sheldon: Why did you hit pause?
Leonard: I thought I heard something.
Raj: What?
Leonard: No, never mind.

If you don't like this Christy, why are you letting her stay?
Well, she was engaged to my cousin while she was sleeping with my brother, so she's kind of family.

There's my Little Engine that Could.
(Howard and Christy make out)
Well, there's one beloved children's book I'll never read again.

Penny: Wait, Sheldon come back. You forgot something.
Sheldon: What?
Penny: This plasma grenade.(Explosion sound on the tv)
Penny: Ha. Look it's raining you.
Sheldon: You laugh now, but wait till you need tech support.

Leonard: I didn't like the look of the guy she was with.
Howard: Because he look better than you?
Leonard: Yeah. He was kind of dreamy
Sheldon: At least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so that you don't crash into geek mountain again.

So, how did it go with Leslie?
We tried kissing but the earth didn't move. I mean any more than the 383 miles it was gonna move anyway.

I'm a perfectly nice guy! There's no reason we couldn't go to the restaurant and have a lovely dinner. Maybe we could go for a walk afterwards, talk about things we have in common: You love pottery? I love pottery! There's a pause-we both know what's happening-I lean in and we kiss; it's a little tentative at first, but then I realize she's kissing me back and she's biting my lower lip, you know? She wants me! This thing is going the distance, we're going to have sex! Oh, God, oh my GOD!
[Leonard descends into a panic attack]
Is the sex starting now?

Love is not a sprint, it's a marathon. A relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms. Or hits you with the pepper spray...

Howard: Sheldon, if you were a robot, and I knew and you didn't, would you want me to tell you? Sheldon: That depends. When I learn that I'm a robot, will I be able to handle it?
Howard: Maybe, although the history of science fiction is not on your side.
Sheldon: Uh, let me ask you this: when I learn that I'm a robot, will I be bound by Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics?
Raj: You might be bound by them right now.
Howard: That's true, have you ever harmed a human being, or through inaction, allowed a human being to come to harm?
Sheldon: Of course not.
Raj: Have you ever harmed yourself or let yourself to be harmed except in cases where a human being would've been endangered?
Sheldon: Well, no.
Howard: I smell robot.
(Leonard walks in)
Leonard: What's going on around here?
Sheldon: The internet's been down for half an hour.
Raj: Also, Sheldon might be a robot.

Tonight I spice my meat with goblin blood!

There is no more Sheldon, I am the Sword Master!

Howard: There are pitfalls, trust me, I know. When it comes to sexual harassment law I'm bit of a self taught expert.
Leonard: Look Howard if I were to ask Leslie Winkle out it would just be for dinner. I'm not gonna walk into the lab, ask her to strip naked and dance for me.
Howard: Oh, then you're probably OK.

(Leonard hits his head under the table at the restaurant)
Penny: Are you OK ?
Leonard: Yeah, I'm OK... Did you spill ketchup ?
Penny: No.
Leonard: I'm not OK!

Sheldon: So? How was your date?
Leonard: Awesome!
Sheldon: Score one for liquor and poor judgment.

There are many more, but as of now, I can't find any.


Ryler32 said...

Don't miss the season finale this Monday, May 19 it has some really big things that will happen with the Leonard/Penny storyline. Here are some promotional pictures from the finale :

Rae Lindenberg and Lanie Kafkis said...

Yes, I love The Big bang Theory! I really want Penny and Sheldon to get together. Yes, I understand that Leonard and Sheldon just got together, but down the road, I think Sheldon and Penny would make a cuter couple. If you like How I Met Your Mother at all you could go here:

Anonymous said...

I have a couple more quotes that I cant find ANYWHERE! They're from a few of the last episodes, so if you aren't that far, well, I hope this doesn't spoil it for you.
Sheldon: The papers could have been mailed, mom just wanted you to spy on me, didn't she?
Missy: I guess that's why they call you a genius, isn't it?
Sheldon: No, they call me a genius because I'm a genius.
Leonard: Sheldon, are you aware that your sister is an incredibly attractive woman?
Sheldon: Hm! She certainly has the symmetry and low body fat that western culture deems desireable. Its noteworthy that in other points in history heavier women were the standard of beauty because their girth suggested affluence.
Leonard: Thats fascinating but-
Sheldon: I didnt say it was fascinating, I said it was noteworthy.
Sheldon: (to Leonard)Here, eat this cheese without farting and you can sleep with my sister.
Missy: Ohh really.
Sheldon: *gulp* Oops.
Jenny opens her door to Raj.
Jenny: MISSY!
Raj: Thank you. I appric.... aprishhhh... apriii.. uh oh.
Jenny: Oh honey, is your medication wearing off?
Raj: *nods*
Missy: Well hi cutey pie! I was hoping you'd show up
Raj: *high pitched whines* *turns around and walks down the stairs*
Missy: We used to have a dog that made a noise like that... Had to put him down.
Leonard: I'm going to go back and try talking to her again.
Howard: Good idea. Sit with her, hold her comfort her. And if the moment feels right, see if you can cop a feel.

arun said...

Sheldon rules!!! Although the dialogues are brilliant, his body language and expressions while delivering them are just simply awesome!!! Kutrapalli is the "black guy" substitute in this sitcom...which i find kinda offensive (also because i am an Indian)...but the content is brilliant and i cant help but love the show!!!

Mittmah said...

I totally agree with Rae Lindenberg and Lanie Kafkis. I've been wanting Sheldon and Penny to get together too!! They have good chemistry. This show took a little while to grow on me but I LOVE it now!

Michael G. said...
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Michael G. said...
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Michael G. said...
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caffeenlover247 said...

Omg! I love this show!
I agree with Rae Lindenberg and Lanie Kafkis; I want to see penny and sheldon together one day.
I can't wait till next season when we find out what happened while they where away in the artic circle.

Jeolia said...

what about the one with princess panchali...?