Thursday, May 29, 2008

Yesterday

Yesterday was an emotional one. I can't believe I'm writing about it, but I feel that it would help. I woke up yesterday and realized that my friends are all seniors. Why is this a problem? They are graduating. They're done with school. I have one or two friends my age, but if I belonged to any social group, it would be my seniors. I didn't realize how much it would hurt until I reached the lunchroom and realized that I had-literally-no one to sit with. Like it was back to square one. So I ate outside and read Jane Eyre. That is the WRONG book to read when you're sad! I'm ashamed to say that I did cry.

Their prom comes soon, and I'll be there to take pictures, assure them of their beauty, give their dates a talk...then what? And once they graduate, they'll leave for college. The idea never sounded so terrible. They assure me we'll stay close, but how close can you be when they're hundreds of miles away and preoccupied with their education?

I'm moping, I know. And being antisocial. But that's how I am. You might as well tell a fish to stop swimming and start jogging.

But on to more important things. 'Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery', to use Jane Austen's words. I took a run yesterday to calm myself, and took it upon myself to get lost. I succeeded swimmingly (ha ha), and found myself on a wood chip path in the woods I live nearbye. It was absolutely beautiful. If anyone has lost themself in a small wood where the leaves on the trees reflect the sunlight and the ground soaks shade, they know that the sound of your breath and your feet pounding the ground is one of the most comforting sounds imaginable. I had a terrible cramp in my neck (don't ask me how, but I always get cramps in my neck when I run) and my foot started tensing up, but I couldn't stop. Just to hear the sound of my breathing was wonderful. Relief in moderate pain is, for want of a better word, good.

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